Dear Non-Pregnant Person!

This was posted on a discussion board I frequent.  The author is unknown to me at this time but if I find out I will certainly give her credit!

"Dear Non-Pregnant Person,




I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm.



*****If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice. *******



The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is "Congratulations!" with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an azz!!!



Please refrain from telling pregnancy and delivery horror stories to expectant moms AND dads. These people are worried enough and hoping for a happy, healthy baby. They do NOT need to hear about the 17 hour labor of your former sister-in-law's neighbor and how there were complications etc... Even if everything eventually turned out great and the child is in law school now, horror stories are not fun for expectant parents.



Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase "my baby".



On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in the above, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You DO NOT have any input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.



The body of a pregnant women should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.



Likewise, no women wants to hear comments on her weight- EVER. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is huge, about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your weight and physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is "You look fabulous!". Any pregnant woman who receives a comment other than this should reply with “I’m pregnant, what’s your excuse?"



By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.



There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, mother-in-law or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.


Choosing a natural child birth is not about proving how tough I am or trying to out-do my friends or sisters.  It is simply my belief that birth is a natural process and not a disease that needs to be treated.  I do not believe that injecting my body full of drugs that will pass to the baby are worth the possible side effects.  This is one of my first decisions as a parent and does not need to be critiqued by anyone who will not be raising this child!



I may choose to have a c-section, need one for medical reasons, or experience the horror of an emergency or to prevent complications or harm to myself or my baby. Please note, this will not be "the easy way out". My belly will be cut into & afterwards I will feel like I've been turned inside out. I will have pain just breathing & moving after surgery because everything inside of me will be held together with stitches and staples. So I will soon learn that the pain I avoided during birth will now be dragged out over months in recovery.



Like everything else is life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to "help out". If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.



If you are asked to help after the birth (or anytime in the first 6-8 weeks), this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.



The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.



Thanks!"